August 2011
Drinking home made coffee, eating a cookie, and playing chess.
All with the aroma of my apple cinnamon candle wonderfully wafting throughout the room.
What a delightful way to spend the evening :)
When I say I'm ugly. I’m serious. At times, don’t get me wrong, I think I’m a bit decent looking. But overall, I think I’m so unattractive. I’m not fishing for compliments. There are so many stunning guys, I can’t even compare. Whatever they do, whether it’s making silly faces, anything, they’re still pretty while doing it. I wish I was more appealing. Honestly.
PREACH
This^
So instead, I guess my body just decided that it would enjoy laying in bed from 6:45 p.m. onward today.
Woke up from a nap, and then just did not want to get out of bed lol… So I’ve been on my laptop, doing this and that whilst laying down for the past 5 hours. Productive.
Just had the weirdest, most random longing to go to sleep and not wake up again.
I’m not suicidal at all, it was just a passing thought. But with everything going on, I’m just…..so tired.
Had a huge fight with one of my closest friends this evening.
It’s been so long since I yelled at somebody like that…
The most painful part of it all was that I was finally able to confirm what I have suspected for the longest time. She showed me that she may “love me,” but it wouldn’t be that hard at all for her to just throw everything we have away.
After everything I’ve done for her, how much I have supported her when nobody else would. She could just throw it away, like it was nothing.
Trying to draw out a diagram on how to rearrange my room yet again haha..
This would be so much simpler if I didn’t suck at visualizing 3D spaces.
I would kill so many people if I were an architect.
Should I take pride in the fact that I've spent so many years making people feel better that it's become so easy for me?
That it’s pretty much completely second nature to me? Words that other people would struggle to construct to encourage or cheer someone up just appear in my head and wisp from my mouth as easily as the breaths that precede it. It’s not even difficult at all really. Sometimes I feel like the way my words are received have such a deeper magnitude than the thought utilized to produce them. Is that a bad thing? Sometimes I feel like my seemingly personalized uplifters are even mass produced, so to speak, because of the differing degree of contemplation versus the level of satisfaction from each individual. That can’t be wrong, can it? I don’t know…
I’m such a fucking mess I even worry about the good things that I do in my life.
